seeing that this blog has pretty much failed in every spectrum, i'm starting fresh. i started a new blog: inside-out umbrella. hopefully, this one will be better.
enjoy!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
seven seas of rhye
everything these days seems like bad timing.
yesterday morning, i learned that one of my good friends, chris yeates, died. he was on the europe trip and was hiking in the alps. he fell. killed instantly.
he was an amazing guy with a good heart and could always make me laugh. he was the older brother that i had lost this year.
i couldn't stop crying.
the person i needed a hug from most is away at camp, and since i'm leaving for oregon for two weeks on thursday, i won't see him until i get back.
people tell me the same thing: "things will get better."
when?
yesterday morning, i learned that one of my good friends, chris yeates, died. he was on the europe trip and was hiking in the alps. he fell. killed instantly.
he was an amazing guy with a good heart and could always make me laugh. he was the older brother that i had lost this year.
i couldn't stop crying.
the person i needed a hug from most is away at camp, and since i'm leaving for oregon for two weeks on thursday, i won't see him until i get back.
people tell me the same thing: "things will get better."
when?
Thursday, June 26, 2008
mosh pit of pictures, videos, updates, and rainbows.
starting off this post with an obviously controversial piece of work by banksy. seeing that it's been way too long since i last published a blog post, this one might be horrendously long because i'm going to include all the links/pictures/etc. that i've been wanting to post on my blog, but have been too lazy to.links:
- zoomii: an incredible online library. a "real" bookstore.
- whichbook.net: amazing book-choosing resource.
- fuzzmail: specifically the "what is fuzzmail?" page.
- driftless farm house: beautiful architecture.
- nobel prize winners hate school: lovely school-hating quotes by nobel prize winners.
- portfolio of jesse van dijk: wonderful project.
- flock: my new, awesome web browser.
pictures:
comic from garfield minus garfield. funny stuff:
videos:
remember bill o'reilly's freak out? well, there was a remix.
awesome street style soccer. beautiful.
updates:
1. i got my permit!
2. my hair is gradually fading from blue to purple.
3. i've gotten better at my anatomy (drawing).
4. i'm still struggling through my novel.
5. the winners of the writing contest on wordclay will be announced on monday (the 30th).
6. i'm in the process of starting a comic.
7. i failed at the artist's way, again.
8. i failed at convincing my parents to switch my school, again.
9. i will be leaving for oregon in a week.
10. i win at life.
a piece of advice:
do not engage in a challenge with your friend to drink an extra-large coke during a movie because then you will have to piss at least three times during the duration of the movie and the people that you have to pass by to get to the aisle will ask you after the show if you are alright. and you'll miss a lot of the movie.
just a tip.
Monday, June 9, 2008
photo dump
yes, i did dye my hair blue over the weekend.
time to empty a mess of blue hair pictures on you! mwah-ha-ha!
so, i guess it really isn't a "mess" but it's still fucking awesome, is it not? it cost me just over a hundred dollars, so it should be fucking awesome.
time to empty a mess of blue hair pictures on you! mwah-ha-ha!
so, i guess it really isn't a "mess" but it's still fucking awesome, is it not? it cost me just over a hundred dollars, so it should be fucking awesome.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
pink floyd + avacados: an unlikely combination.
side notes before the actual post:
i got an ipod and fucking love it.
i am growing an avacado plant although i am not a fan of avacados.
i am dying my hair blue this coming thursday.
i have listened to the entire pink floyd "dark side of the moon" album every day for a week and a day.
i got a new pair of fivefingers (orange, gray, and black) and love the looks and comments (a woman telling her daughter, "don't stare, don't stare, don't stare") i'm recieving.
i am valiently struggling to work through a pile of homework at this very moment.
i entered the third/fourth version of the story i posted on here (below) in a contest by wordclay (self-publishing company).
i got a 98 percent on my oral spanish final!
i will (most likely) be learning how to screenprint by a professional (she owns an etsy shop. go buy something.)
i'm making something new for my nephew, but i'm not going to tell you what it is!
now, for the actual post:
disclaimer: sorry, this is a rant.
i've been hearing a lot lately that we should hold some sort of respect for people (like the president, especially) becuase they're in a higher position than us and are more informed. i have a problem with this because a.) just because someone is informed doesn't mean they do the "right" thing/anything with that information and b.) no matter which way you slice it, they are just people. and when people say something to the effect of, "give him/her a break, they're the president/whatever", i want to smack them and yell, "yeah, they were put in that position because they would be able to take this criticism and do something about it!" people are silly.
i just don't care what people think about me anymore.
i got an ipod and fucking love it.
i am growing an avacado plant although i am not a fan of avacados.
i am dying my hair blue this coming thursday.
i have listened to the entire pink floyd "dark side of the moon" album every day for a week and a day.
i got a new pair of fivefingers (orange, gray, and black) and love the looks and comments (a woman telling her daughter, "don't stare, don't stare, don't stare") i'm recieving.
i am valiently struggling to work through a pile of homework at this very moment.
i entered the third/fourth version of the story i posted on here (below) in a contest by wordclay (self-publishing company).
i got a 98 percent on my oral spanish final!
i will (most likely) be learning how to screenprint by a professional (she owns an etsy shop. go buy something.)
i'm making something new for my nephew, but i'm not going to tell you what it is!
now, for the actual post:
disclaimer: sorry, this is a rant.
i've been hearing a lot lately that we should hold some sort of respect for people (like the president, especially) becuase they're in a higher position than us and are more informed. i have a problem with this because a.) just because someone is informed doesn't mean they do the "right" thing/anything with that information and b.) no matter which way you slice it, they are just people. and when people say something to the effect of, "give him/her a break, they're the president/whatever", i want to smack them and yell, "yeah, they were put in that position because they would be able to take this criticism and do something about it!" people are silly.
i just don't care what people think about me anymore.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
attention world numero dos.
i know that i had a previous attention world post but i am now replacing nick brandt with livio de marchi. he is now god. bow to his craftsmanship.
that is all.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
creative writing story
i wrote this creative writing and just need to see if it's even worth turning in. for those of you who haven't read my recent style, this piece is not really supposed to have a "real" conflict/plot, so keep that in mind.
so, i want to know what you think.
The moon was the color of pine nuts and the birds were chained to the sky. I was impersonating like a halibut. The air smelled of lemons. The clouds in the sky were like ropes and were hung just below the ozone layer to dry, still dripping with rain. It was the last day of today.
The street lights were on: flickering, yellow cones of light that marred the night sky. When I was young, I wanted to be a trapeze artist. But all I could now was disappear every time I passed a streetlamp.
I was going to the grocery store to pick up a sandwich.
The aisles smelled like saltwater and shampoo. It was the type of smell that reminded me of stainless steel. I zig-zagged through the aisles, arms out to the side, fingertips grazing the flimsy cardboard boxes. I wasn’t wearing shoes and the floor was gritty.
There was a man in aisle eight.
He hobbled instead of walked, feet clunking against the floor in an uneven rhythm, and wore socks with sandals and a neon hunting vest. He carried a bottle of ketchup in one fist. He handed me a box of cereal.
“Here.”
There were marshmallows in it.
I thought that was nice of him.
He had five o’clock shadow even though it wasn’t five o’clock. It looked like he had a toupee on, but I didn’t ask. He wouldn’t have liked it if I’d asked.
I peeled open the top of the box and tore opened up the bag. The cereal dissolved into wet newspaper on my tongue. I saved the marshmallows for last.
When I stepped past the registers towards the empty moon-lit street, a store clerk wearing a red vest stopped me. His name tag said his name was Simon.
“Hey!”
I glanced at him as I swallowed the final remnants of the marshmallows. They tasted like rainbows and partially-hydrogenated corn syrup. Simon’s face was splotched with pimples and he was trying desperately to grow a mustache. He smelled of cleaning supplies. “Did you pay for that?” He gestured at my cereal box.
I swallowed but kept my pace, toes slapping against the floor. “No.”
He cleared his throat and spat a wad a phlegm into the trash can behind him. “You’re going to have to.”
I paused and flickered my eyes from the box to his face. “Okay.”
The cereal was a gift from the man in aisle eight, but I didn’t tell him that. He wouldn’t have cared.
If I were him, I wouldn’t have cared either.
I walked to the register and handed the cereal box to him. He rung it up.
It was four dollars and fifty-nine cents. I handed him a five from my back pocket with fingers dusted with cereal crumbs.
I paid for an empty box.
He handed the box to me without a bag and I looked at it for a moment before passing it back into his fleshy, pale fingers. His skin looked moldy. I was sure not to touch it. “Could you throw it away for me?”
He threw me a look, watery eyes rimmed with bright red veins, and snorted. “You just bought it.”
"I know.” Wrong answer.
I watched him toss it into the trash can, licking the marshmallow dust off my fingers, before turning towards the exit. The marshmallows tasted like the plastic bag they were sealed in. I swallowed and felt my mouth dissolving into a pool of saliva and nausea and hurled myself into the bathroom. I flung open a stall door and vomited into a toilet bowl.
It was rainbow colored.
I wiped my lips against the back of my hand and inhaled away the scent of bile. I flushed the toilet with my foot and watched the rainbow disappeared into the white porcelain. I threw the stall door back open, listening to the satisfying screech of the hinges, and walked to the sink. My stomach clenched in a fist before settling.
I rinsed my mouth out with the tap water. It tasted like bleach.
I hope it wasn’t.
I braced myself against the sink, fingers clenched around the sides, and coughed up a pale rainbow into the ceramic bowl. I turned on the water, swishing away my spit with my fingertips. I wiped them on my jeans and glanced up into the mirror.
My eyes were red.
I threw my palm flat against the mirror and turned on my heel towards the door, feeling my skin smudge the glass.
I limped out of the bathroom and tasted the faint strands and threads of bile filtering through my mouth.
It was the first and last day of today.
I walked of the store into the spray paint moonlight.
I wish there were a word for this kind of disappointment.
so, i want to know what you think.
The moon was the color of pine nuts and the birds were chained to the sky. I was impersonating like a halibut. The air smelled of lemons. The clouds in the sky were like ropes and were hung just below the ozone layer to dry, still dripping with rain. It was the last day of today.
The street lights were on: flickering, yellow cones of light that marred the night sky. When I was young, I wanted to be a trapeze artist. But all I could now was disappear every time I passed a streetlamp.
I was going to the grocery store to pick up a sandwich.
The aisles smelled like saltwater and shampoo. It was the type of smell that reminded me of stainless steel. I zig-zagged through the aisles, arms out to the side, fingertips grazing the flimsy cardboard boxes. I wasn’t wearing shoes and the floor was gritty.
There was a man in aisle eight.
He hobbled instead of walked, feet clunking against the floor in an uneven rhythm, and wore socks with sandals and a neon hunting vest. He carried a bottle of ketchup in one fist. He handed me a box of cereal.
“Here.”
There were marshmallows in it.
I thought that was nice of him.
He had five o’clock shadow even though it wasn’t five o’clock. It looked like he had a toupee on, but I didn’t ask. He wouldn’t have liked it if I’d asked.
I peeled open the top of the box and tore opened up the bag. The cereal dissolved into wet newspaper on my tongue. I saved the marshmallows for last.
When I stepped past the registers towards the empty moon-lit street, a store clerk wearing a red vest stopped me. His name tag said his name was Simon.
“Hey!”
I glanced at him as I swallowed the final remnants of the marshmallows. They tasted like rainbows and partially-hydrogenated corn syrup. Simon’s face was splotched with pimples and he was trying desperately to grow a mustache. He smelled of cleaning supplies. “Did you pay for that?” He gestured at my cereal box.
I swallowed but kept my pace, toes slapping against the floor. “No.”
He cleared his throat and spat a wad a phlegm into the trash can behind him. “You’re going to have to.”
I paused and flickered my eyes from the box to his face. “Okay.”
The cereal was a gift from the man in aisle eight, but I didn’t tell him that. He wouldn’t have cared.
If I were him, I wouldn’t have cared either.
I walked to the register and handed the cereal box to him. He rung it up.
It was four dollars and fifty-nine cents. I handed him a five from my back pocket with fingers dusted with cereal crumbs.
I paid for an empty box.
He handed the box to me without a bag and I looked at it for a moment before passing it back into his fleshy, pale fingers. His skin looked moldy. I was sure not to touch it. “Could you throw it away for me?”
He threw me a look, watery eyes rimmed with bright red veins, and snorted. “You just bought it.”
"I know.” Wrong answer.
I watched him toss it into the trash can, licking the marshmallow dust off my fingers, before turning towards the exit. The marshmallows tasted like the plastic bag they were sealed in. I swallowed and felt my mouth dissolving into a pool of saliva and nausea and hurled myself into the bathroom. I flung open a stall door and vomited into a toilet bowl.
It was rainbow colored.
I wiped my lips against the back of my hand and inhaled away the scent of bile. I flushed the toilet with my foot and watched the rainbow disappeared into the white porcelain. I threw the stall door back open, listening to the satisfying screech of the hinges, and walked to the sink. My stomach clenched in a fist before settling.
I rinsed my mouth out with the tap water. It tasted like bleach.
I hope it wasn’t.
I braced myself against the sink, fingers clenched around the sides, and coughed up a pale rainbow into the ceramic bowl. I turned on the water, swishing away my spit with my fingertips. I wiped them on my jeans and glanced up into the mirror.
My eyes were red.
I threw my palm flat against the mirror and turned on my heel towards the door, feeling my skin smudge the glass.
I limped out of the bathroom and tasted the faint strands and threads of bile filtering through my mouth.
It was the first and last day of today.
I walked of the store into the spray paint moonlight.
I wish there were a word for this kind of disappointment.
Friday, May 2, 2008
clocks and watermelons
well... this is going to be quite the post. first off, updates:
"In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - douglas adams
1. 13 days of school left until the end of the school year!
2. with the combined efforts of myself and my dad, we have gone back five generations into our family ancestry and learned that i have roots in spain, poland, germany, france, england, and russia. pretty cool stuff.
3. editing my novel - am in the process of transfering it to the program ywriter (free program used for writing novels) but am usually editing about a page or two a day with all my homework/bullshit/stuff.
new quotes that i like:
"You see, Elaine, the key to eating a black and white cookie is that you wanna get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet still somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie, all our problems would be solved." - seinfeld
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - albert einstein
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." - groucho marx
"In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." - douglas adams
hot library smut:
i want a library like this in my dream house - spiral staircases, the works. that would pretty much make my life.
and pretty much the best decision-making tool ever:
so yeah. my life has been filled with bullshit, drama, crushed hopes, breakdowns, break dancing, clocks, watermelons, bob dylan, etc. this menagerie of randomness is nothing more than a release of some images that float through my head on a daily basis.
and, by the way, it's almost summer here even though we had snow earlier this week.
Monday, April 21, 2008
more does not equal less, but less equals more?
confusing stuff. anyways, more updates/plans/shit that can take my mind off of pc high, etc:
more plans for the year after i graduate:
1. build an electric car with my dad. well, not so much build, but rather assemble an electric motor in a lightweight car without a kit. just beginning the research, but i'm totally into it (especially now while i am waiting to recieve my driver's ed. book). the only 'bad' thing about it is that it can get only about 50 miles per charge, so if i go anywhere outside pc, i'd just have to stash some really long extension cords in my trunk.
2. create a zine. i was at the coffee garden the other day (after seeing my friends from realms who i haven't seen in over a month!) and i picked up a zine from the back shelf: the salt lake rag. essays written by teenagers about stuff that actually matters. amazing. the best part was, of course, the condom taped to the front (donated by the aids foundation!). nah... just kidding. but seriously, if i could take that as my inspiration, beef it up with some more art stuff, and add more written pieces from people i know, that could be a fantastic project, no?
updates:
1. started using my moleskine again. god, i love that thing.
2. been setting daily and weekly goals for myself. very helpful, i can tell you that. i had a whole lot of shit to do today and actually writing it down made me realize how important it was to not just store that kind of stuff in the back of your brain, where it can hide behind all your other thoughts (like: "what kind of wood are clipboards made out of?").
3. i finished my homework today! it is actually very exciting since i had a shitload to do:
- finish my english essay analyzing how elizabeth bennet's (from pride and prejudice) responses to mr. collins' and mr. darcy's proposal speak about her character and what i would do in the same situations.
- complete my creative writing story (children's book about what we've learned in school) with about fifteen+ drawings. most of them look good.
- study spanish so i can retake that test and get more than an 8.5/20 on it.
- world civ. homework that i should have had done long ago but never did it.
- study math so i can take that test on wednesday and not fail.
4. i designed a desktop background for class of 2009:
5. i started rereading what i have edited from my novel so far (only 19 pages so far, unfortunately) and DAMN. i'm a good writer.
one last thing to leave you with: why do people use so many exclamation marks when they're not even exclaiming anything!!!!!
more plans for the year after i graduate:
1. build an electric car with my dad. well, not so much build, but rather assemble an electric motor in a lightweight car without a kit. just beginning the research, but i'm totally into it (especially now while i am waiting to recieve my driver's ed. book). the only 'bad' thing about it is that it can get only about 50 miles per charge, so if i go anywhere outside pc, i'd just have to stash some really long extension cords in my trunk.
2. create a zine. i was at the coffee garden the other day (after seeing my friends from realms who i haven't seen in over a month!) and i picked up a zine from the back shelf: the salt lake rag. essays written by teenagers about stuff that actually matters. amazing. the best part was, of course, the condom taped to the front (donated by the aids foundation!). nah... just kidding. but seriously, if i could take that as my inspiration, beef it up with some more art stuff, and add more written pieces from people i know, that could be a fantastic project, no?
updates:
1. started using my moleskine again. god, i love that thing.
2. been setting daily and weekly goals for myself. very helpful, i can tell you that. i had a whole lot of shit to do today and actually writing it down made me realize how important it was to not just store that kind of stuff in the back of your brain, where it can hide behind all your other thoughts (like: "what kind of wood are clipboards made out of?").
3. i finished my homework today! it is actually very exciting since i had a shitload to do:
- finish my english essay analyzing how elizabeth bennet's (from pride and prejudice) responses to mr. collins' and mr. darcy's proposal speak about her character and what i would do in the same situations.
- complete my creative writing story (children's book about what we've learned in school) with about fifteen+ drawings. most of them look good.
- study spanish so i can retake that test and get more than an 8.5/20 on it.
- world civ. homework that i should have had done long ago but never did it.
- study math so i can take that test on wednesday and not fail.
4. i designed a desktop background for class of 2009:
5. i started rereading what i have edited from my novel so far (only 19 pages so far, unfortunately) and DAMN. i'm a good writer.
one last thing to leave you with: why do people use so many exclamation marks when they're not even exclaiming anything!!!!!
Friday, April 18, 2008
locks of love
i am planning to chop off most of my hair this summer. for one thing, my hair is a bitch during the summer and also, i don't want to pay for bleaching and dyeing my 24" long hair blue. it's just not economical no matter how cool it is. so, i planned to donate about of a foot of my hair to locks of love, the non-profit organization that makes wigs of donated hair for alopecia areata/cancer patients. fortunately, i did my research and found:
- locks of love receives more hair that it can make wigs then sells the surplus hair ($352,401 in 2005)
- most of the hair is sold to commercial wigmakers rather than given to patients
- the wigs are not always free; they charge juvenile patients according to their parent's income level
- the kids have to jump through hoops to receive a wig (get letters of recommendation from teachers, write essays)
- charity navigator (largest independent charity evaluator in the united states) reports that 81.1% of their donations go to program costs, 12.7% go to administrative costs, and 6.1% go to fund raising costs.
i did find some good, honest organizations for hair donations though. i would advise you to check them out:
1. pantene - beautiful lengths although i'm a little hesitant to donate to pantene, i think that it's at least better than having a foot of my hair turned into a hairpiece, no?
2. wigs for kids
3. zichron menachem
as a final note: i wish i had this hair.
- locks of love receives more hair that it can make wigs then sells the surplus hair ($352,401 in 2005)
- most of the hair is sold to commercial wigmakers rather than given to patients
- the wigs are not always free; they charge juvenile patients according to their parent's income level
- the kids have to jump through hoops to receive a wig (get letters of recommendation from teachers, write essays)
- charity navigator (largest independent charity evaluator in the united states) reports that 81.1% of their donations go to program costs, 12.7% go to administrative costs, and 6.1% go to fund raising costs.
i did find some good, honest organizations for hair donations though. i would advise you to check them out:
1. pantene - beautiful lengths although i'm a little hesitant to donate to pantene, i think that it's at least better than having a foot of my hair turned into a hairpiece, no?
2. wigs for kids
3. zichron menachem
as a final note: i wish i had this hair.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
plans/planes.
as the school days start winding down into the lemonade-scented oblivion called summer vacation, i am estatic to tell you that i can graduate next year as a junior! my academic plan for the upcoming 2008/09 year is as follows:
- take financial literacy, computer tech., and .5 credit of u.s. history during the summer
- english courses: a.p. language and english 12
- history courses: government (.5 credit)/psychology (.5 credit)
- math course: 1060/pre-calc.
- science course: physics OR physics with technology
- CTE course: photography
- electives: creative writing (1 credit) and drawing (.5 credit)/painting (.5 credit)
after graduation, i'm planning to do unschooling for a year while living at home. i started making a list of things that i'd like to complete/explore during that time:
1. working on a farm: there's a handful of organic peach farms in northern california that i'd like to take a look at. i had been planning on doing this for the upcoming summer vacation, but if i wait a year, i can do it for a longer period of time without the looming expectation of school.
2. writing: i'd like to at least finish editing my novel from nanowrimo and possibly complete a collection of short stories that i could submit to magazines, etc. i have finally broken through that dry spell of no creativity at all (and just in time to illustrate a children's book for creative writing) so if it keeps up, i should be able to keep writing and improving.
3. start a baking business. my great uncle and great-grandfather are/were bakers so i guess it runs in my genes.
4. traveling. i-to-i has a fantastic program in south africa to work with lions... but unfortunately, the age requirement is 18. i'd love to find another program that resonates so deeply with me and have another experience like the bali trip last year.
psst... do you like my template change?
- take financial literacy, computer tech., and .5 credit of u.s. history during the summer
- english courses: a.p. language and english 12
- history courses: government (.5 credit)/psychology (.5 credit)
- math course: 1060/pre-calc.
- science course: physics OR physics with technology
- CTE course: photography
- electives: creative writing (1 credit) and drawing (.5 credit)/painting (.5 credit)
after graduation, i'm planning to do unschooling for a year while living at home. i started making a list of things that i'd like to complete/explore during that time:
1. working on a farm: there's a handful of organic peach farms in northern california that i'd like to take a look at. i had been planning on doing this for the upcoming summer vacation, but if i wait a year, i can do it for a longer period of time without the looming expectation of school.
2. writing: i'd like to at least finish editing my novel from nanowrimo and possibly complete a collection of short stories that i could submit to magazines, etc. i have finally broken through that dry spell of no creativity at all (and just in time to illustrate a children's book for creative writing) so if it keeps up, i should be able to keep writing and improving.
3. start a baking business. my great uncle and great-grandfather are/were bakers so i guess it runs in my genes.
4. traveling. i-to-i has a fantastic program in south africa to work with lions... but unfortunately, the age requirement is 18. i'd love to find another program that resonates so deeply with me and have another experience like the bali trip last year.
psst... do you like my template change?
Thursday, March 27, 2008
i stumbled upon this website of strange and beautiful objects. here are a couple of my favorites.
this daisy vase, hand-blown from a bic ballpoint pen. pretty, clean, simple lines, and recycled - who could ask for more in such an object?
handmade pencil sea urchins - what else is there to say?
this twig bench is not only aesthetically beautiful, but is also environmentally friendly. it pretty much blows my mind.
disclaimer: sorry this post doesn't have a lot of my thoughts, etc., but you'll have to deal.
this daisy vase, hand-blown from a bic ballpoint pen. pretty, clean, simple lines, and recycled - who could ask for more in such an object?
handmade pencil sea urchins - what else is there to say?
this twig bench is not only aesthetically beautiful, but is also environmentally friendly. it pretty much blows my mind.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
forts
a post about fort spaces.remember building forts out of blankets and pillows when you were kid? banging together a couple two by fours, shoving it between branches, and calling it a tree house?
where did those spaces go?
don't we need them now, with the stress of just living accumulating, more than ever?
i yearn for a space that i can just be in, and have it be my own and fill it with my memories and dreams and crayon drawings scrawled on the walls. why don't we have those spaces anymore?
i guess i'm just hoping for a place to get away from it all, especially the time. i hate dates and schedules and clocks and minutes and hours and day lights saving time and time zones and planned activities. what's the point of it all anyways? the more you watch time and try to hold on to it, the more it slips through your fingers.
when i was younger, time seemed so much longer than it is now.
Monday, March 24, 2008
reflection post
as i head in to the final quarter of this hellish school year, i have some reflections:
one no one ever has to put up with bullshit. it is your own fault if you are not strong enough to speak up against injustice. people have enough power within themselves to change their reality, but most people just like riding on everyone else's coat tails. so, listen up, world: only you can change the things you see need to change.
two take everything one day at a time. if that's too far ahead for you, if you don't feel you can go a day at a time, take it an hour and a half at a time. say to yourself, "i can survive anything for an hour and a half" because you can.
three define everything yourself. do not give in to social standards of 'beauty' and 'morality' because they may not be right for you, as a person. you only need to live up to your own standards, yeah? if you solely live up to other's standards, you will never be happy with yourself.
four life is too crazy, too unpredictable, too significant and insignificant to take too seriously.
one no one ever has to put up with bullshit. it is your own fault if you are not strong enough to speak up against injustice. people have enough power within themselves to change their reality, but most people just like riding on everyone else's coat tails. so, listen up, world: only you can change the things you see need to change.
two take everything one day at a time. if that's too far ahead for you, if you don't feel you can go a day at a time, take it an hour and a half at a time. say to yourself, "i can survive anything for an hour and a half" because you can.
three define everything yourself. do not give in to social standards of 'beauty' and 'morality' because they may not be right for you, as a person. you only need to live up to your own standards, yeah? if you solely live up to other's standards, you will never be happy with yourself.
four life is too crazy, too unpredictable, too significant and insignificant to take too seriously.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
food court musical
i always wondered why people in musicals randomly burst into song and what would happen if someone actually did that.
this video is most definitely worth watching, by the way.
discovered by stumbleupon.
Monday, March 10, 2008
CUPCAKE post
cupcakes and work spaces and indifference, oh my!
cupcakes: i made my first cupcakes without my mom's help for the first time ever. there was no occasion, but i just thought to myself, "i should totally make cupcakes on this lovely saturday afternoon" and i did. i have discovered through this experiment, that i absolutely love baking. i come from a line of bakers (well, at least on my dad's side - my great-grandfather and great-uncle) and really want to continue with this new found love.
I WANT TO HAVE A BAKERY WHEN I GROW UP! well, that and a liger, but that's a different story.
work spaces: i have finally set up a table in my room to store my sewing machine, sketchbooks, laptop, papers, random presents, research papers, etc. i work on a stool, with one leg placed on the end of the table so it's like i'm half-way into half-lotus and my calf doubles as a elbow rest (the only bad thing is that my leg falls asleep) and i am so excited that i actually have a stable surface to do shit on instead of using the floor. and i did, finally, after about a week of disgust and chills, have cleaned the bottom lip of the table that contained old cobwebs that had mingled with random fibers and dirt and dead spider bodies.
yummy.
indifference: i am becoming increasly indifferent to people (in general), the opinions of my teachers and "friends", messes, clothes, high school drama, writing (which sucks balls), and school in general. yes, most of these things should not be first and foremost in my mind, but it's annoying to not have any focus at all, as well as dreading the moment when i actually have to sit down and care about these things.
everything's alright though, how are you?
cupcakes: i made my first cupcakes without my mom's help for the first time ever. there was no occasion, but i just thought to myself, "i should totally make cupcakes on this lovely saturday afternoon" and i did. i have discovered through this experiment, that i absolutely love baking. i come from a line of bakers (well, at least on my dad's side - my great-grandfather and great-uncle) and really want to continue with this new found love.
I WANT TO HAVE A BAKERY WHEN I GROW UP! well, that and a liger, but that's a different story.
work spaces: i have finally set up a table in my room to store my sewing machine, sketchbooks, laptop, papers, random presents, research papers, etc. i work on a stool, with one leg placed on the end of the table so it's like i'm half-way into half-lotus and my calf doubles as a elbow rest (the only bad thing is that my leg falls asleep) and i am so excited that i actually have a stable surface to do shit on instead of using the floor. and i did, finally, after about a week of disgust and chills, have cleaned the bottom lip of the table that contained old cobwebs that had mingled with random fibers and dirt and dead spider bodies.
yummy.
indifference: i am becoming increasly indifferent to people (in general), the opinions of my teachers and "friends", messes, clothes, high school drama, writing (which sucks balls), and school in general. yes, most of these things should not be first and foremost in my mind, but it's annoying to not have any focus at all, as well as dreading the moment when i actually have to sit down and care about these things.
everything's alright though, how are you?
Friday, February 22, 2008
attention world.
hello world:
i would like to direct your attention to the incredible work of nick brandt. his pieces are simply awe-inspiring and he shall assume the position of god immeadiately.
that is all.
Monday, February 18, 2008
second update post
another quick update as i procrastinate editing my novel and completing that picture i promised myself i would finish tonight:
i need another adventure.
yes, it's true. danya is going through that phase in which she needs to go somewhere outside her town with someone who is like-minded so she can get angry and think and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. this is because she a.) misses her buddies who are in thailand, b.) can't seem to actually do anything at this point in time, and c.) needs be happy and unaware of her problems, even for just an hour.
hopefully, this need will be fullfilled tomorrow, but if not, i will have to lock myself in my room with good books, a lot of water and fruit, and good music for a day.
i am upset with the world.
for some reason, the universe can not seem to stop beating me down and no this is not a sympathy post because if you know me, you know i hate sympathy. i keep disappointing people while trying to make myself happy, i keep getting focused on things i think are bullshit (high school drama, etc.), i think that people around me are not doing the right things (like doing drugs when they shouldn't) but since i'm not sure, i don't say anything and then feel overwhelmed with secrecy and bullshit.
i don't know what is wrong with me, but i just know something's wrong.
anyways, i need to go back to editing my novel. how is your life going?
i hope you're not going crazy, because that's never fun.
i need another adventure.
yes, it's true. danya is going through that phase in which she needs to go somewhere outside her town with someone who is like-minded so she can get angry and think and talk about everything and nothing at the same time. this is because she a.) misses her buddies who are in thailand, b.) can't seem to actually do anything at this point in time, and c.) needs be happy and unaware of her problems, even for just an hour.
hopefully, this need will be fullfilled tomorrow, but if not, i will have to lock myself in my room with good books, a lot of water and fruit, and good music for a day.
i am upset with the world.
for some reason, the universe can not seem to stop beating me down and no this is not a sympathy post because if you know me, you know i hate sympathy. i keep disappointing people while trying to make myself happy, i keep getting focused on things i think are bullshit (high school drama, etc.), i think that people around me are not doing the right things (like doing drugs when they shouldn't) but since i'm not sure, i don't say anything and then feel overwhelmed with secrecy and bullshit.
i don't know what is wrong with me, but i just know something's wrong.
anyways, i need to go back to editing my novel. how is your life going?
i hope you're not going crazy, because that's never fun.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
genius points
in my math class (which is as boring as hell, but that is a different post), my "table" came up with the concept of genius points. we made a page in my notebook with the words "genius points" in bold with a highlighter-colored rainbow sprouting from the left side of the 'p'. genius points are given out as necessary and can be accquired in a few different ways:
- by being a genius
- by doing something incredibly nice
- by doing something that makes us all laugh
- by helping someone out
- etc.
i know it sounds like a stupid high school concept that is just made to waste time in class (which it is...), but i was thinking about how awesome it would be if we actually had something like genius points in regular life, where you would get acknowledged for doing something amazing (besides the usual 'thank you' or 'good job'). i'm not saying it should be a contest or anything, but i think that people get so beaten down just because they make so much effort but no one notices, and genius points are just a way to acknowledge people's amazing-ness.
- by being a genius
- by doing something incredibly nice
- by doing something that makes us all laugh
- by helping someone out
- etc.
i know it sounds like a stupid high school concept that is just made to waste time in class (which it is...), but i was thinking about how awesome it would be if we actually had something like genius points in regular life, where you would get acknowledged for doing something amazing (besides the usual 'thank you' or 'good job'). i'm not saying it should be a contest or anything, but i think that people get so beaten down just because they make so much effort but no one notices, and genius points are just a way to acknowledge people's amazing-ness.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
stuff post
stuff i've been working on:
- i've been editing my novel and am finding it excruciatingly slow. after writing 50k in a month, slowing down is really difficult. but i guess i really love the premise and have a concept in my mind of where i want it to go, so that's why i'm hanging on and pushing on.
- i reconstructed a shirt that i absolutely love and am trying to progress into actually reconstructing all of the clothes that i never wear. my friend and i agreed to not buy any new clothes because the fact is, unless your clothes are shredded and falling apart, you never need to buy any clothes. you can just keep reconstructing them. and that, my friends, leads to the concept of reusing absolutely everything and never buying anything which is way to complex for my mind at this hour.
- i've been reading and analyzing literature a lot lately but more on that later.
- i've been thinking a lot about my future and what i'm actually going to do when i graduate from high school. i make plans with my friends and i dream up shit that i want to do, but now that it's this close, i need to figure what i'm ACTUALLY going to do, you know? if my grandfather follows through buying my a 1974 volkswagen hippie van, i'm going to try to travel south america with one of my friends, but who the hell knows.
- i'm trying to climb more often and actually went climbing one day at the gym instead of just saying i'm going to climb but not actually doing it. i really do love bouldering, but i'm lazy (and don't worry. i know that's no excuse.), but i need to get into the habit of going at least twice a week.
- i bought reusable pads. i've been wanting to do this for a while but never got around to it. i'm still waiting for them to be shipped, but i'm hoping they're awesome.
books i've been reading:
- the awakening by kate chopin
- dawn by elie weisel
- night by elie weisel
- tuesdays with morrie
- cunt by inga muscio
- trying to read the monkey wrench gang
- trying to read the revolution will not be microwaved
- NEED to read the alchemist by paolo coelho
- NEED to read drop city by t.c. boyle
- NEED to read a tale of love and darkness by amos oz
- NEED to read the little prince by antoine de st. exupery
things i've been thinking:
- people should turn off their fucking tvs and pick up a book. this society would be so much better off if we all sat around reading and discussing literature.
- the world needs public bicycles because cars are bullshit, no matter how much i like them and how convenient they are.
- how am i going to live without my friends for a month? (kate and kristen are going to thailand for their realms trip)
homework i need to finish tonight:
- creative writing story: need to write the last vignette and edit to make sure it doesn't sound like shit.
- english: burn powerpoint of van gogh and the awakening onto cd and print out.
- chemistry: study for the quiz and actually go in early tomorrow because you will fail it if you don't. and danya, you need good grades if you want to go someplace like evergreen for college. so try to get your chem. grade above a d.
yep. pretty much.
- i've been editing my novel and am finding it excruciatingly slow. after writing 50k in a month, slowing down is really difficult. but i guess i really love the premise and have a concept in my mind of where i want it to go, so that's why i'm hanging on and pushing on.
- i reconstructed a shirt that i absolutely love and am trying to progress into actually reconstructing all of the clothes that i never wear. my friend and i agreed to not buy any new clothes because the fact is, unless your clothes are shredded and falling apart, you never need to buy any clothes. you can just keep reconstructing them. and that, my friends, leads to the concept of reusing absolutely everything and never buying anything which is way to complex for my mind at this hour.
- i've been reading and analyzing literature a lot lately but more on that later.
- i've been thinking a lot about my future and what i'm actually going to do when i graduate from high school. i make plans with my friends and i dream up shit that i want to do, but now that it's this close, i need to figure what i'm ACTUALLY going to do, you know? if my grandfather follows through buying my a 1974 volkswagen hippie van, i'm going to try to travel south america with one of my friends, but who the hell knows.
- i'm trying to climb more often and actually went climbing one day at the gym instead of just saying i'm going to climb but not actually doing it. i really do love bouldering, but i'm lazy (and don't worry. i know that's no excuse.), but i need to get into the habit of going at least twice a week.
- i bought reusable pads. i've been wanting to do this for a while but never got around to it. i'm still waiting for them to be shipped, but i'm hoping they're awesome.
books i've been reading:
- the awakening by kate chopin
- dawn by elie weisel
- night by elie weisel
- tuesdays with morrie
- cunt by inga muscio
- trying to read the monkey wrench gang
- trying to read the revolution will not be microwaved
- NEED to read the alchemist by paolo coelho
- NEED to read drop city by t.c. boyle
- NEED to read a tale of love and darkness by amos oz
- NEED to read the little prince by antoine de st. exupery
things i've been thinking:
- people should turn off their fucking tvs and pick up a book. this society would be so much better off if we all sat around reading and discussing literature.
- the world needs public bicycles because cars are bullshit, no matter how much i like them and how convenient they are.
- how am i going to live without my friends for a month? (kate and kristen are going to thailand for their realms trip)
homework i need to finish tonight:
- creative writing story: need to write the last vignette and edit to make sure it doesn't sound like shit.
- english: burn powerpoint of van gogh and the awakening onto cd and print out.
- chemistry: study for the quiz and actually go in early tomorrow because you will fail it if you don't. and danya, you need good grades if you want to go someplace like evergreen for college. so try to get your chem. grade above a d.
yep. pretty much.
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